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by eternaleponine



Category: Leave Myself Behind - Bart Yates
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-11-18
Updated: 2010-11-18
Packaged: 2017-10-13 06:45:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,522
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/134178
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eternaleponine/pseuds/eternaleponine
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>An intimate scene following the end of the book, in which J.D. starts to question the future.  Spoilers for the book.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Home

"So am I not allowed to kiss you now?" I ask Noah.  "I mean, we're sort of like brothers."  I guess he must be rubbing off on me (no pun intended) because I'm trying to turn the fact that his mother got the paperwork giving her legal guardianship of me today into a joke.

He laughs, and it makes my head bounce on his chest.  He threads his fingers through my hair and rubs my scalp, and the sensation goes straight to my groin.  I squirm against the mattress, trying to ease the ache of my sudden erection.  "You're not my brother," he said, and his tone slips to serious.  "You're not."

"I'm sorry," I breathe, pressing my lips to the underside of his jaw.  "I didn't think."

I take it as a good sign when he doesn't pull away.  Instead his arms tighten around me and he tips up my chin to kiss me properly, although it's light and gentle.  "I know.  It's all right."

I hold back from asking if he's sure.  He doesn't often say things he doesn't mean, and never to me.  At least I don't think so.  "Okay."

He pulls me closer, tugging on me until I'm on top of him.  He's as aroused as I am, and our dicks rub against each other.  "Couldn't do this if you were my brother," he said, tracing his fingers down my spine to the crack of my ass.  I press harder against him.  "Couldn't do this either..."  He spreads his legs so I slide between them and his thighs hug my hips.

"Stop saying that," I whisper against his mouth, because it's starting to feel creepy.

"Okay."  He kisses me deeply, and then we don't say anything for a long time, or at least not with words.  'I love you' and 'I need you' and 'Please be the one who stays' is in every touch.  That last might just be me, but if it is, then 'I'll stay' is his response.

He comes while I'm inside of him, and it's the first time he's gotten off like that, just from me fucking him, the friction of my stomach against his dick.  He looks so surprised, and the way he clenches so tight around me tips me over the edge.  I collapse against him, my head on his chest, listening as his heart hammers against his ribcage.  I shift to pull out of him and move, but he clutches at me.  "Don't."

I always feel like I'm crushing him when we're like this, but he doesn't seem to mind.  He likes it, I think.  So I don't move, and it kind of feels like we're melting together and I think we both doze like that.  Eventually I go completely soft and slip from him, and he makes a soft grumbling noise.

"Noah," I whisper into his ear.  I think he's awake and listening, but he doesn't open his eyes.  "I love you," I tell him.  We don't say it much, but he knows anyway, like I know he loves me.

He doesn't respond.  I slide to the side and twine around him again.  I match my breathing to his, and I know he's awake because I can feel it in the way he holds me.  "I love you too," he says so softly I almost don't hear.  I squeeze him tighter.

I try not to think too much about the future.  I know that high school romances don't last.  Right?  But I can't imagine falling asleep and waking up next to anyone else.  I can't imagine feeling the way I do about anyone but him.  But I guess that could change.  Still, we've been to hell and back together, and it's only made us love each other more.  But maybe that's what has kept us together?  Maybe once his mom is back to normal he won't need me so much and he'll fall in love with someone else.

Then what would I do?  If he didn't want me anymore, would I even have a place to live?  Would he want me gone?  If we break up, maybe he won't even want to see my face, and then I'll be out on my ass, with no family...

I swallow a sob, but he feels it.  "J.D.?  What's wrong?"  I shake my head, but he doesn't let it go.  "Talk to me.  Please."

No words come out, only hiccupping gasps as I try to fight back tears and fail.  He just waits until I'm calm again, the stroke of his callused palms over my back drawing me back down more quickly than I could have managed on my own.  "I just... just..."  But I can't say it.

"It's okay," Noah says.  "J.D.  You can say anything to me.  You know that.  It won't change anything."

Sometimes it feels like he can almost read my mind.  But there's a part of me that can't quite believe that I could say _anything_ and it would be okay.  How can I say that I'm thinking about what would happen if we break up when I'm curled in his arms after making love?

We lay there for a long time, and I know he's waiting for me to tell him what's bothering me.  I can feel his breath against my hair, and for once he's patient and finally my tongue and stomach unknot.  "What would happen if we broke up?" I ask.  "Where would I go?"

"Oh J.D...."  He sighs, tracing his fingers along my back.  "I guess it would depend what happened, but I wouldn't just toss you out on the street.  Even if..."  His voice catches.  "We could still be friends, maybe, and you could stay in another room if you needed to."  It's clear he doesn't like thinking about it anymore than I do.

"Okay."  I'm not sure if it would actually happen that way, but it eases my worry just a little.

Noah pushes me off of him, just gently, rolling so that I'm on my back and he's half on top of me, pinning all but one leg down.  "Are you planning on falling out of love with me?" he asks, but his tone is teasing, trying to lighten the mood like he does.  "I guess I'll just have to make sure you don't want to."  He grins down at me.

"What are you going to do about it?" I ask, playing along.

"Mmm... I have a few ideas..."

He's good with words, but that's not the only talent his tongue has.  He traces it down my chest, and by the time he reaches my navel I'm hard again, but then I think about where my cock just was and stop him from going farther.  "Not that," I say.  "I just..."

"Oh yeah."  He actually blushes, and it's adorable.  "Well then..."  He takes me in his hand and starts to stroke my length, while his lips and tongue tease my nipples.  And then his fingers dip lower, to a place that he hasn't touched before, even though I've done him many times like that.

I'm not sure what to do, but even the first time when he admitted afterward that it had hurt, he said it felt good too, so I don't make him stop.  And he takes it slow, so slow with his fingers and lube that I was too embarrassed to buy until we made a trip into the city where no one knows us.  It does hurt, a little, but he keeps kissing me until I relax and then it feels good and then he's on top of me and inside of me, inch by inch and still as gentle as he can be when I know all he wants is to fuck me because it's so, so good.  Inch by inch until he's all the way inside and I'm crying but not because I don't want it and I kiss him and kiss him so he doesn't think that's why.  I'm crying because I had no idea what it was like to surrender like this, to let myself be his entirely, and now I do know, and I am, and now that I do I know that it won't always be me fucking him anymore.

His hand slides between us to jerk me off as he thrusts, losing control and going hard when I know he doesn't mean to, but it doesn't hurt too badly and I'm not sure who comes first, but I come so hard I almost black out.

"I've wanted to do that for so long," he pants, his sweaty chest sticking to mine. 

"Why didn't you?" I ask, hooking my legs over his so he can't move. 

"I wasn't sure you'd want to."

I kiss him.  "I do."

"I didn't hurt you?"

I shake my head, and the smile he gives me is enough to make my heart feel like it's going to explode. 

I don't know if this will be forever, but for now and I hope for long, long time, I've found home, and his name is Noah.


End file.
